Sunday, March 13, 2011

Leaping into the dark.

It's interesting that the Greek word theos has roots in the idea of leaping between positions. God is One Who leaps into being (somehow), leaps into our lives and, if we let Him, into our hearts. There are some beautiful ikons of the Theotokos in which the infant God is caught in the act of leaping into his mother's face, pressing his tiny cheek into hers seeking to know her fully. She of course lets Him, and that is what singles Our Lady out from us, not that we aren't loved fully by God.

This sort of brings me to my point. I have, perhaps for the first time in my life, made a decision. I have finally left my Parish. Having tried for so long to accommodate two rapidly diverging integrities, I have just resigned my license as Reader and will be looking for a new spiritual home. I still want to retain my membership of FiF and the Benedictines, so the withdrawal from the CofE is not fully complete, but I cannot honestly see me receiving the Sacrament in the CofE for some time.

Interestingly, the straw that broke the Camel's back was my celebration of the Angelus in which I tried to call my Parish to mind of the mystery of the Incarnation. It is not in the BCP so I was told I should either drop it or go. I chose the latter after wrestling with my conscience and all kinds of tortuous roots to try and include some devotion to Our Lady in a parish which has exterminated it, as well as any Catholicism.

So I have decided to leap into the dark and pray that I am caught in the loving arms of my Creator. I seek to trust Him fully and in the light of that trust, I shall not be disappointed. I have already made my promise of Oblation: Suscipe me, Domine, secundum eloquium tuum et vivam; et non confundas me ab expectatione mea.

As one door closes...

2 comments:

Gerhard Venter said...

Friend, I don't know it this is of any help, but I'm being forced to end just about all my physical activities by a creeping disability. It's hard, no denying it. But you're showing moral strength by standing up for your principles. Although I don't share your faith completely (I'm Calvinist), I applaud you for this and wish you God's loving protection and blessing. How few people even get the opportunity to make a stand today!

Warwickensis said...

Gerhard, many thanks for your kind words. I am of course very sorry to hear of your situation. Please be assured of my prayers as you struggle with this disease.