Critical thinking!

Homily preached at Eltham College on Monday 24th September 2007

Nigel gets out of the shower,
puts on his new CK boxers,
socks, best jeans
and new silk shirt.

He decides to wear
his shirt half open
to expose the new gold chain
around his neck.

Why?

For today Nigel
is auditioning for X-Factor!

For good measure,
he empties three-quarters of a can of Lynx
all over himself,
so that Dannii Minogue
will pay him a bit more attention
and maybe give him
her phone number.

Four hours of queuing later,
Nigel finds himself
in front of Simon Cowell,
Sharon Osborne,
Dannii Minogue
and Louis Walsh.

“What are you going
to sing for us tonight, Nigel?”

“I believe in a thing called love, by the Darkness”
says Nigel knowing
that he’s going to knock the judge’s socks off
in a rendition that will make
Justin Hawkins sound
like a bag of nutty slack.

And so he begins.

The effect on the judges is electric.

Both Louis and Simon sit back in their chairs,
eyes and mouths wide open
in obvious awe at Nigel’s brilliant voice.

Sharon’s up and screaming
at him like a groupie
and the lovely Dannii,
object of Nigel’s affections,
is sitting in her chair gasping
for breath and fanning her face
with her papers.

With a flourish, Nigel finishes the song.

“Well, what do you think?”
he asks,
thinking “aha, it’s in the bag!”

Simon is the first to recover his composure.

“I’ve heard nothing like that ever in my life.”

Nigel smiles but Simon continues,
“and I hope I’ll never hear anything
like that again.

This is a singing contest,
and you cannot sing.”

“Whaddya mean?”
asks a visibly shocked Nigel,
“Sharon loved it?”

“No dear, I was standing up
and waving to get you to stop.

My ears are ringing.”

Nigel looks to Dannii, his last hope.

“No!” says Dannii,
“I’m suffocating from
an overpowering smell of Lynx.”

“But this isn’t fair,” says Nigel
his temper rising,
“I come in here and do my best
and you have the cheek to tell me
that I cannot sing!

I used to think you were good people,
that you used to be able to spot talent,
when clearly you can’t spot talent
when it’s standing right in front of you.”

“Nigel,” says Simon,
“I’ve heard many singers,
and have worked with
many professional musicians.

I am qualified to say that you can’t sing.”

Nigel storms out in a huff
leaving a cloud of indignantly smelling Lynx
wafting behind him.

[PAUSE]

A few weeks later, Nigel sits down
to watch his audition on telly.



He sees himself,
a fat middle-aged man
prancing about with his shirt unbuttoned
and his beer-gut sticking out,
screeching like a cat
who’s just fallen into a pond
of piranha
or a countertenor with cystitis!

What do you imagine Nigel’s reaction is to the truth?

Will he deny it, or will it hurt him deeply?

What do you think is the real source
of Nigel’s embarrassment?

[PAUSE]

We’re all talented at something
- Football,
swimming,
singing,
building,
playing the organ,
drawing,
or running a school.



Some of us have other talents
that aren’t immediately recognisable
but which mean a lot to those around us
– the ability to listen
or to make peace in an argument,
the ability to introduce people
to others
or simply to be a good friend.

Each one of us has something
to give to the world.

The difficulty is how far
can we reasonably expect to take it?

Perhaps you can sing.

Not like Nigel who couldn’t hit a note
if it were stapled to a 10 foot-wide punchbag,
but really sing.

How far do you want to take your singing ability?

In order to find out,
you have to assess how good you are
and how much it will cost you
to improve your voice.



If you’re good at soccer
and you want to play for Man United,
is this just a pipe dream
or do you know what you have to do
in order for Sir Alex Fergusson
to say “Yes!”?

It does mean taking a risk,
a risk of embarrassment or rejection,
the possibility that our attempt
will leave us feeling smaller
than a mouse’s iPod.

There’s no way of knowing
what we’re capable of until we try.

Nigel thinks he can sing
but until he tried he wouldn’t
have known for sure.

However, it’s important
to receive any criticism
we get with honesty,
even if that criticism appears to be unfair,
and be fair, Simon Cowell
does ham up his criticism for the telly.

But Nigel refuses to accept the truth
from experienced music producers.

If he finally realises that
his singing upsets the dogs half a mile away
then he may find a way
to overcome the problem.

Perhaps his voice
isn’t suited to The Darkness,
perhaps he might make
another version of The Streets.

He will only improve
if he takes a risk and receives
his criticism with honesty.

The same goes with anyone of us
– if you want to find out
whether you’re going to be good at something,
then take a risk,
but be honest about the outcome.

Christians believe that any little talent
has the possibility of changing the world,
and if we exercise our talents for God,
then we change the world for the better.

Whether you are a Christian or not,
you will be surprised at just how talented
you really are
if you are just willing to risk
a trial and learn from your critics.

How well can you take criticism?

Is this something you need to improve upon?